brysonturner.com

April 11, 2008:  I know, I know!  I need to tell this damn Baltimore story.  Calm down!  It’s coming…in the meantime, I’m having a blast at the Improv so far.  I know none of you give a shit, but that’s the only update I’m giving.  So deal with it.

March 21, 2008:  It’s the end of the day on a Friday.  Another week closer to death.  Too morbid?  Sorry.  I’m actually looking forward to this weekend, I must admit, as I am headed home to visit the family for Easter.  The week after that, I’m headed into the nether-regions of Ohio for the wedding of a college buddy of mine.  I’ve been losing a lot of weight lately, which may or may not lead to some jokes on the topic.  Also, I am realizing recently that a lot of women are more superficial than men when it comes to the physicality of mates.  I guess we’re just all horrible people.  Can that be made into a joke?  Or is it just me being sad?  I’m not sure.  I guess you’ll just have to come to some future shows to find out!

I must say, I am really enjoying this new pseudo-blog, pseudo-diary.  It’s nice.  Therapeutic.  My goal is to write a joke about American ignorance, and not knowing where people are from around the world.  For example, mistaking a Vietnamese person for a Chinese person, or an Ethiopian person for someone from Kenya.  Is it offensive to call them an “Ethiopian person?”  Wow.  White guilt is kicking in again.  How could that possibly be offensive? 

I’ve talked the bit out onstage a few times; now it’s time to write it.  I’d like to have it ready for my week at the Improv, actually.  That would be a nice feather in the cap for that week.  That would give me about four new minutes since the last time I was there, about a month ago.  Just gotta keep evolving, I guess.  Anyway, thanks for reading.  Have a good weekend and a good Easter.

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March 18, 2008:  You want to know what white guilt is like?  I’m a receptionist, and I give people visitor badges so that they can come into my office.  A black woman just got a badge, went in, then came back within two minutes, having finished her business.  She said something to the effect of “well, that was quick!”  And I said, “Yeah - you’re free!”

And I’ve been feeling shitty about it for the past 15 minutes.

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March 14, 2008:  Another slow Friday at work.  It’s about 3 in the afternoon, and I’m officially getting my first jitters in regards to this evening’s show.  It should be an absolute blast, with a great venue, a great feature, a great headliner, and what promises to be a great crowd.  But somewhere in a comic’s mind, that just assures you that if anything goes wrong, it’ll be on you, because everything else is great.

Oh well.  I’ll abandon my deep, dark thoughts for a minute and focus on the positive.  Maria Bamford!  What a pleasure it will be to get to introduce her to a crowd.  I felt the same way about getting to introduce Bill Burr when I opened for him - to get to be part of a great comedy show is something to be really happy about.  I’ll have countless moments throughout the rest of my days, wanting more credit, more recognition, more fans, or to be on this TV show or that one.  But after this weekend, I’ll always be able to say that I was on a show with Erik Myers and Maria Bamford, and hopefully I can say it was a show that a lot of people enjoyed. 

Our goals in life are always evolving.  A few years ago, the idea of having a chance to open for someone like Maria Bamford was almost beyond comprehension.  Now - as I continue to work to become a solid feature act, and hopefully a headliner myself one day - it doesn’t seem like nearly as impressive a feat.

For the me that I am right now, this doesn’t seem like too huge a deal.  But how quickly I forget.  There was a time when this was as high a shooting star as I could imagine.  To be part of a show with a nationally known, incredibly talented, comedically inspiring headliner?  Are you serious?  I would have shook hands with the devil in an instant.  And that dream is what I get to go do tonight?  Seriously?  Let me never forget what my dreams have evolved from.

This really is a huge deal.  To be able to be a part of a show like the one this weekend - to be able to be a part of something that creates positive energy for so many people - is crazy!  What an honor that is.  So forget Comedy Central, and Montreal, and Conan.  Those are goals that seem unreachable to me, at this moment, but perhaps will seem as realistic as tonight’s show does today.  But for right now, I’m thinking like a 19 year-old college student, prepping for a 3-minute set in front of twenty-five peers, that I’ve rehearsed 40 times now.  Tonight, I’m opening for Maria Bamford.  And that’s one hell of a goal to cross off my list.

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March 10, 2008:  It’s been a good past week.  I’ve been working on a few jokes of a very personal nature, and the response from crowds and fellow comics alike has been overwhelmingly positive.  I am often reminded, as I continue on my journey as a comic and person, just how much people want to connect with each other.  It’s hard to explain, but as a comic, you almost desire humiliation, and pain, because you know deep down that it will eventually lead to material.  You desire that ability to connect.  At least I do.  So whenever I do anything to avoid pain, I feel guilty about it.  Like I’m not doing my job.  But if I ever permit pain, I feel guilty, because I feel it’s a slap in the face to those who want to avoid it but can’t.  So no matter what I do in life, I feel guilty.  My life is just one, big, giant ball of guilt.  I don’t think I’d want it any other way, though.  It makes for a lot of good material. 

Also Happy Birthday to my brother.  You are old and an idiot.

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