brysonturner.com

February 9, 2009:  I fully acknowledge that it has been more than two weeks since I last left an entry here.  In my defense, I have been posting regularly on NotHatingJustSaying, which is back up and running (for now) at full speed, or as full a speed as its ever been.  And I was actually planning on blogging during the Super Bowl, which I thought would have been a nice gesture, but I decided against it, because I didn’t want to accidentally see a score update or find out who won by seeing something online.  So I ended up staying off the computer and turning off my phone, and I didn’t find out who won until I saw a newsstand the next day.  I’m not sure if that’s an excuse or if it’s just sad.

I mistakenly put the year as 2008 on my first two 2009 entries.  I have left them as such, only to make this point:  I might never have noticed, except that my mother pointed out the error to me.  In case any of you out there hope to someday become a comic, here’s a goal for you, as far as achieving an acceptable level of fame:  If there are errors on your website, and the only person who notices is your mom…you haven’t “made it” yet.

Oh, and speaking of not making it yet, I was recently mentioned in a little write-up in a DC magazine. I should have the link up within a few days.  Oh, also, I am keeping a log of all the books I am reading in 2009.  This isn’t because it is interesting to all of my fans.  This is only because it may be interesting to one of the few fans who consistently checks this site.  And to give you a hint, she’s already been mentioned twice in this entry.  For a complete list of what books are affecting my mind, my jokes, and for possible clues on what material may be to come, just check December 31, 2009, on my calendar.

Oh.  And go outside, mom.  Get some sun.

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January 18, 2008: It’s 7:48 in the evening. The Steelers are playing in the AFC Championship Game right now. Or at least, I trust that they are. I’m not watching. Back in May, I decided to give up sports for a year. Actually, I made a decision to give up three things: sports, pornography, and video games. For one year. I’m about 8 months down, with 4 to go. The decision was made because I really felt like I was living my life vicariously through others, as opposed to actually doing things with my own life.  I was seeing Kobe score 50 and getting a rush from watching it that I should have been seeking from my own accomplishments.

Since May 23, 2008, I’ve played a few songs on Guitar Hero, and I’ve seen some random highlights as they’ve been played in bars that I’ve performed in. But for the most part, I’ve stuck by the decision to take a year off from the three, and I think I’m better for it.  I’ve been thrilled with the results, and I haven’t missed any of the three as much as I thought I would.

Tonight, though, is the biggest challenge I’ve faced - by far.  I grew up in Pittsburgh, and there are not many people that are more obsessive sports fans than myself. (Thus, the need to quit cold turkey in the first place). So in a way, this moment is tough, and I think it’ll be especially hilariously ironic if the Steelers make the Super Bowl the year I decided to not let myself watch it. But in another way, this year - and this moment - is wonderful. This is three hours that I will spend writing a blog, writing some jokes, and probably reading a little Atlas Shrugged. If I hadn’t made the decision I did, I’d be watching Ben Roethlisberger and Hines Ward right now, and they would decide whether or not I feel happy and fulfilled for the next two weeks. Instead, it’s up to me. If I’m happy, it’s because of the things happening in my own life. If I’m not, I have no one to blame but myself. I’ll take the heat.

That having been said, I won’t lie: My stubborn, irrational, ignorant pride in my hometown team remains. Go Steelers.

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January 8, 2008: Hello again. Well, it’s been a week, and I’ve managed to at least temporarily revive nothatingjustsaying.com . Which has been fun. I also read a book this week, which always feels nice.

It’s funny how self-conscious I can get while writing this. As if people are going to think I’m a loser if I get too personal. Does that seem weird to you? That I’m much more comfortable admitting personal flaws on a stage, in front of actual, live people, than I am putting them down in print?

Is this print, technically? I’m not sure.

I was going to talk about how I haven’t been working out much since New Years, and how depressing that can be (particularly coupled with not working). But then I figured it seemed lame. But then, Louis C.K. talks about running, and working out, and all sorts of stuff like that, in his blog. I believe he and Bill Burr are becoming the beacons of light on the hill (or whatever analogy Barack Obama uses) for the comics of my mini-generation. As I gear up for a year that holds great hopes, I think a good step toward that end would be actually revealing myself in this blog. Let’s make that a stated goal.

I forget if I have already in a previous blog on here. Either way, it starts anew today. And let’s aim for doing so at least once ever couple weeks.

Okay, cool. So that is officially a goal of 2009. To not go two weeks without coming on here and discussing my current state of mind, whether it be comedy-related or otherwise.

Good. Deal.

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December 30, 2008: Hey there. I think I have a few resolutions for 2009. And for once, it doesn’t involve lying to myself and saying I’m going to take advantage of my three-year-long Bally’s membership (really, what was I thinking?)

Instead, I think it involves a fun pattern that I’ve seen in my life since I made the move down to Austin, which is the embracing of adulthood, and of responsibility in general. I don’t know quite how to explain what I mean, but I think it bodes well for 2009 and beyond, for both me and anyone who enjoys hearing what I think, whether it be through my stand-up, my blogging, or my writing in general. I’m optimistic right now, and I hope you are, too. I always get way too serious on here, but I just want to thank anyone who is actually reading this for your patience as I continue to grow.

Wow I’m a nerd.

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December 18, 2008: Where have you been? I’ve been writing in here every day. Why haven’t you been responding? Oh shit, the save button! My bad…

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April 11, 2008: I know, I know! I need to tell this damn Baltimore story. Calm down! It’s coming…in the meantime, I’m having a blast at the Improv so far. I know none of you give a shit, but that’s the only update I’m giving. So deal with it.

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March 21, 2008: It’s the end of the day on a Friday. Another week closer to death. Too morbid? Sorry. I’m actually looking forward to this weekend, I must admit, as I am headed home to visit the family for Easter. The week after that, I’m headed into the nether-regions of Ohio for the wedding of a college buddy of mine. I’ve been losing a lot of weight lately, which may or may not lead to some jokes on the topic. Also, I am realizing recently that a lot of women are more superficial than men when it comes to the physicality of mates. I guess we’re just all horrible people. Can that be made into a joke? Or is it just me being sad? I’m not sure. I guess you’ll just have to come to some future shows to find out!

I must say, I am really enjoying this new pseudo-blog, pseudo-diary. It’s nice. Therapeutic. My goal is to write a joke about American ignorance, and not knowing where people are from around the world. For example, mistaking a Vietnamese person for a Chinese person, or an Ethiopian person for someone from Kenya. Is it offensive to call them an “Ethiopian person?” Wow. White guilt is kicking in again. How could that possibly be offensive?

I’ve talked the bit out onstage a few times; now it’s time to write it. I’d like to have it ready for my week at the Improv, actually. That would be a nice feather in the cap for that week. That would give me about four new minutes since the last time I was there, about a month ago. Just gotta keep evolving, I guess. Anyway, thanks for reading. Have a good weekend and a good Easter.

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March 18, 2008: You want to know what white guilt is like? I’m a receptionist, and I give people visitor badges so that they can come into my office. A black woman just got a badge, went in, then came back within two minutes, having finished her business. She said something to the effect of “well, that was quick!” And I said, “Yeah - you’re free!”

And I’ve been feeling shitty about it for the past 15 minutes.

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March 14, 2008: Another slow Friday at work. It’s about 3 in the afternoon, and I’m officially getting my first jitters in regards to this evening’s show. It should be an absolute blast, with a great venue, a great feature, a great headliner, and what promises to be a great crowd. But somewhere in a comic’s mind, that just assures you that if anything goes wrong, it’ll be on you, because everything else is great.

Oh well. I’ll abandon my deep, dark thoughts for a minute and focus on the positive. Maria Bamford! What a pleasure it will be to get to introduce her to a crowd. I felt the same way about getting to introduce Bill Burr when I opened for him - to get to be part of a great comedy show is something to be really happy about. I’ll have countless moments throughout the rest of my days, wanting more credit, more recognition, more fans, or to be on this TV show or that one. But after this weekend, I’ll always be able to say that I was on a show with Erik Myers and Maria Bamford, and hopefully I can say it was a show that a lot of people enjoyed.

Our goals in life are always evolving. A few years ago, the idea of having a chance to open for someone like Maria Bamford was almost beyond comprehension. Now - as I continue to work to become a solid feature act, and hopefully a headliner myself one day - it doesn’t seem like nearly as impressive a feat.

For the me that I am right now, this doesn’t seem like too huge a deal. But how quickly I forget. There was a time when this was as high a shooting star as I could imagine. To be part of a show with a nationally known, incredibly talented, comedically inspiring headliner? Are you serious? I would have shook hands with the devil in an instant. And that dream is what I get to go do tonight? Seriously? Let me never forget what my dreams have evolved from.

This really is a huge deal. To be able to be a part of a show like the one this weekend - to be able to be a part of something that creates positive energy for so many people - is crazy! What an honor that is. So forget Comedy Central, and Montreal, and Conan. Those are goals that seem unreachable to me, at this moment, but perhaps will seem as realistic as tonight’s show does today. But for right now, I’m thinking like a 19 year-old college student, prepping for a 3-minute set in front of twenty-five peers, that I’ve rehearsed 40 times now. Tonight, I’m opening for Maria Bamford. And that’s one hell of a goal to cross off my list.

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March 10, 2008: It’s been a good past week. I’ve been working on a few jokes of a very personal nature, and the response from crowds and fellow comics alike has been overwhelmingly positive. I am often reminded, as I continue on my journey as a comic and person, just how much people want to connect with each other. It’s hard to explain, but as a comic, you almost desire humiliation, and pain, because you know deep down that it will eventually lead to material. You desire that ability to connect. At least I do. So whenever I do anything to avoid pain, I feel guilty about it. Like I’m not doing my job. But if I ever permit pain, I feel guilty, because I feel it’s a slap in the face to those who want to avoid it but can’t. So no matter what I do in life, I feel guilty. My life is just one, big, giant ball of guilt. I don’t think I’d want it any other way, though. It makes for a lot of good material.

Also Happy Birthday to my brother. You are old and an idiot.

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